Monday, February 24, 2014

Changing the status quo

Wasting time
Except for the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl (Hooray!), life has been status quo.  In other words, I’m still fat and haven’t done anything about it.  I haven’t done anything about it that matters or has made a difference.  I think about my weight and health every day, practically all day.  Unable or unwilling to do anything about it, I watch another day go by.  Thinking without action is about the sum of it.

New High
Recently, I set a new personal high weight at 396 lbs.  After having weighed in the high 380’s for some time, I had become somewhat accustomed to carrying around the weight.  It never ceases to amaze me how adding just five to ten more pounds can seem crippling.  Standing hurts.  Walking more than thirty to fifty feet at a time really hurts.  Forget the gasping for air, my back screams for me to sit or lean against something immediately or suffer the consequence of dropping to the ground if I take one more step.  This new high is really a new low.  

Diabetes Specialist
My primary physician referred me to an Endocrinologist aka Diabetes Specialist.  When I heard the news I was skeptical, but went along with it.  My appointment was last week. Basically, I told him I knew what to do, but it’s the “doing it” that is the hard part.  He was nice, understanding, but firm.  We both agreed that if I ate better, my blood sugars would be lower.  We also agreed that if I cooked or ate at home, it would be better that eating out or living off of take-out.  This goes along with what I said about knowing what to do, just not doing it.  He took me off of a couple of medications (Actos and Glyburide), left me on others and prescribed fast acting insulin.  I had previously been instructed to take the slow acting insulin (Lantus) at night and keep increasing the dosage by 2 units every three days if my morning blood sugar readings were not lower than 120.  I was up to 44 units (should have been higher, but I didn’t always raise it on time).  He told me to only take 35 units at night from now on.  In addition, I am to take 8 units of the fast acting insulin before each meal whenever I dine out.  If I eat at home, I am not to take any insulin. This assumes that if I cook, my meals are lower in fat and carbs than if I were to eat McDonalds. We’ll know after a couple of weeks of readings, if this is the case.  I am still waiting for the mail order pharmacy to send the new insulin, so I haven’t started following these instructions yet.  The doctor understood that it was not realistic that I would walk out of his office and immediately start cooking and eating at home for all meals.  I want to; I wish I would, but …..   Anyhow, he asked me (actually wrote in the patient instructions) to just start with my lunches.  He wants me to make my own lunch most days of the week and then we can work on dinners.  I am supposed to send him my readings after a couple of weeks and he’ll adjust the prescriptions and/or instructions if necessary and then a follow-up appointment in three months.

No, I am not having colonoscopy, my husband is.  He goes in this Wednesday, and has started doing a two day prep.  This means that starting this morning, he is only allowed to have liquids.  He had a colonoscopy last month.  They found a couple of benign polyps but determined a better prep was needed in order for a better view (last time, he was only off foods for one day).  For close to a year now (after he returned from India), he has been having some intestinal problems of which the cause is yet to be determined.  I won’t describe the symptoms of which there are a few.  I will say that he has been very uncomfortable for quite some time.  The colonoscopy is more to rule out things rather than find the cause.  Not sure what the next steps will be, but hopefully something can be done soon.  While he is basically fasting for the next two and half days, I need to fend for myself.  

Another Attempt
I hate to say I am making a new start, because when am I not trying to start or make a change that will hopefully snowball to where I am eating and living a healthier lifestyle day by day?  However, I have hopes that this week will be different than last week or the week before that.  This week, I have a rough meal plan put together for this week.  I have the meal plan; the food is in the house, now I have to follow through.  I suck at the follow-through.  I really do.  That being said, I am somewhat optimistic.  

Have a great week.  Talk with you soon.


  1. The tone in this post, to me anyway, seems so sad. So, fed up, almost numb but not, and sad. The absolute BEST thing you can do is to make ONE day go by the right way. Just one. How would you feel if you just got one done perfectly? One makes two easier. It really does. So, maybe just try to get in one day and write about how that feels?

    No one is going to follow through on this for you, all you have is you. Sometimes, that can seem really lonely, but we're all out here in computerland rooting for you, even if you can't see it. We're on your side, we know you can do this. But it all comes down to you. Set yourself up for success, and then make it happen. Just one single day. :)

  2. There definitely is a big difference between knowing and doing... I wish there was a magic thing I could say to help you nudge over into doing, but there isn't. I'm rooting for you! Do this now, it is important.

  3. I agree with Kyra. Set yourself a ONE day goal. If you cook for yourself for one day, get on this blog and SHOUT! Then shoot for a second day!

    I get the feeling that you don't think you can succeed. No, your health problems are not going to go away immediately, but you CAN be a healthier you!

    You are not beyond turning this around. Don't give up. I want to hear a success story!

  4. Hi - I've read your blog and find I can relate to a lot of what you've said. Getting started is so difficult...especially when it seems like the millionth time you've 'started'. Sometimes you just have to do something small and that will boost your spirits and then that will lead to the next thing and the next thing. If you haven't read Holly's blog at , you should give it a look. She's had weight loss surgery and has had many struggles - before and after. She has some great ideas and inspiration about getting started with just one small step. She started her exercise program at 30 seconds a day - it was all she could do to start. Her brother is very inspiring as well - his motto is 'go small or go home' as in you have to only start with small steps and just keep accumulating them. I've not been completely successful and have been in a weight-loss rut lately, but I find hope in people like Holly and I hope you can too. Peace.


    I'm sending you this link to a friend's blog - yes I know she had surgery, but there's no reason you can't take heart from her example. Like Kyra, I hate hearing your dejected tone!

    "One day at a time" & even more importantly, "Do as I say not as I do" since I'm stuck on my own plateau at the moment; no one is looking harder than me to flip my motivational switch! Take care of yourself honey.

  6. Roly!! Well, being insulin dependent diabetic too, I will tell you that once you get your numbers back where they should be, you will feel better. I take 30 units of Lantus at night, but I do a 1:5 ratio for the insulin - I take one unit of insulin for each 5 grams of carbs I eat - everyone is different, so that's what works for me.

    I wish I could help you with your cooking and meal planning! I am just an email away if you have any questions, need help, or just want to vent -


  7. Hi, I'd go so far as to say--concern yourself with eating well for the next hour. Then the hour after that, and then the hour after that, and so forth. Make it very small do-able goals.

    And only concern yourself with losing the next 1 pound. Just one pound. It's do-able for anyone. Not some big huge goal, just a tiny one.

    What happens with very tiny goals is that they turn you toward the right direction that you want to go. Eventually, you can pick up steam, but right now just aim for many little steps to turn yourself to the right direction. <3

  8. Well - it's been almost a week since you put your post up and I do hope it's been a good one.

    Set small goals and take it one step at a time but you know you HAVE to take that first step. I hope when you put up your next post it will be YES I HAVE

    Take Care

    All the best Jan