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Sunday, September 7, 2014

16 Years


It really is difficult to find words for a post when I am so off-track.  What can I say that I haven't already said many times before.  I'm struggling.  Instead of waiting to post until I find my way back to healthier habits, I thought I would check in.  Who knows, maybe the act of checking in will be the trigger that turns things around for me.  A girl can hope.

This last Friday, my husband and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary.   Time sure flies, because it sure doesn't feel like that long to me.  I love him more than I did when I married him and believe we are in it for the long haul.  Unfortunately, this means another anniversary happens this week for me.  After returning from our honeymoon, I weighed over 300 lbs for the first time and have never seen the 200's since.  Today, I weighed in at 393 lbs.  I haven't allowed myself to pass the 400 lb gate, but I remain way too close.

The reason I am stuck is not a mystery to me.  I'm not cooking and I'm sitting the majority of my day.  The mystery is more about why I was able to cook for myself while my husband was on business trips, but will not cook for us when he is home.  We enable each other and neither of us have been able to find the strength to stop us.  One of us has to make the first move and start being the strong voice that stops us from eating out or having too much at meals or from buying or making high-sugar, high caloric desserts.  Honestly, I don't think he will ever be the one to do this.  The man just has a hard time saying 'no' to me.  While that isn't always a bad thing for me, as far as our health and eating habits are concerned, it can be.  If we are ever to change our ways and improve our health, it's up to me.  I know that if I would say no to take-out, didn't eat snacks and started cooking, that he would be all for that.  He wouldn't do those things without me.  Well, he would still eat some foods that I wouldn't want to, like more processed foods.   For the most part, we agree on how we should eat and what types of food.  Doing it is where we struggle.

There isn't a switch that I can flip and magically start behaving the way I would like and need to.  If there were, it would have been flipped long ago.  Instead, I need to keep trying with one smart decision and then another and then another.   I am keeping it simple and setting three goals for myself this week.  First, I want to drink at least 80 ounces of water each day.  I want more, but am drinking way less currently.  Secondly, in an effort to get myself out of the chair more, I will walk at least 21,000 steps this week.  What?  You can do that in two days?  I wish.  I average less than 2000 steps a day, most days getting 1500 or less.  3000 steps/day is a nice stretch goal for this week.  Lastly, and probably the most important goal is that I will cook at least  two dinners this week.  Since I usually cook zero dinners, this is a big task for me.  They may be easy-peasy simple concoctions, but I will do it for sure.  All three goals will be met.

Sheesh, I do feel a bit more motivated and inspired to get back on track since writing this post.  Now it's time for action.

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying what is left with our summer.  Thank you for stopping in and for all your support.

23 comments:

  1. wishing you the best, LTR. What would happen if you read this post to your husband? Ask him to help you both?

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  2. Small steps are a good way, I think. Although actually I think I do better with big changes! It all depends on your personality. Keep learning about yourself, and the best way for you to move forward.

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  3. A good blog for you to check out would be - theprettyyouproject.blogspot.com
    Tracy started out well over 300 pounds and has lost 160 pounds so far. She has many simple recipes that might be helpful for you. Be sure to also check out her youtube channel. She is so inspirational.

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  4. Your post reminded me of another well-written post I read last week. Maybe you will find it helpful: http://affectionforfitness.blogspot.com/2014/09/youre-going-to-have-to-say-no-lot.html

    I wanted to ask if you have considered a weight loss surgery? I have heard that when you have a significant amount to lose, surgery can be a great tool.

    I know how overwhelming it is to get started losing weight. But once you get momentum going, it's hard to go back to old habits (really). Best of luck and I will be reading!

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  5. First; Happy Anniversary! :)

    Second: you are right. No one can do this for you, but you. You cannot wait on your spouse to make the move, and you cannot blame your spouse for agreeing with a poor choice. It'd be nice if they didn't, but in the end it all comes down to you. This is both a hard thing to carry (because yes, the blame really is all on you) and a WONDERFUL powerful thing to carry because it is all in your hands. 100% of the power to change is with you. It's the one thing you have total control over in your life, and you can't say that about anything else.

    Right now, this very moment, you have the opportunity to make the right choices today and wake up tomorrow BETTER than you were when you woke up today. And you can do it again and again. That's a pretty amazing thing!

    I've been in that sort of locked in, listless, it's up to me but it seems like a lot sort of place. I've been confused or just exhausted even trying to figure it out. There are a lot of ways out of that place. What worked for me was picking the meal I cared the absolute least about (at the time, it was breakfast.) If I didn't care about it, then it didn't matter what I was eating, right? So, I made that one super-duper healthy. Like, no one would even blink questioningly at it, super healthy. The rest of the day? Well, it happened, but I fixed that one stupid meal. It became a habit pretty quickly, and then I moved onto the next one and the next. This was a long process, but it literally changed everything.

    Now, maybe something like that is for you, or maybe it's not. My point is that there is a way for you, a path. And you don't have to walk it all at once. Small steps, small goals like you are saying, ones that will become itty bitty permanent healthy habits, those will get you where you want to be. :)

    You can do this! And keep writing!

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  6. Small goals are a great way to get going and continue going. How about making a deal with your husband. We have been putting our out to eat money in our vacation fund. Looking forward to a fun trip makes it easier to us to not go out to eat. Of course, the best motive is staying healthy but think about money saved as well. I would suggest talking to your husband, communication is key, if you tell him what you need and how you feel I am sure he will do anything he can to help. Good luck and remember you have lots of us rooting for you! You can do this!

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  7. Your road is long indeed. Some small steps might get you going, but I worry about you and your husband sabotaging each other. I know exactly how to knock my wife off her plan and I've done it before when I want an excuse to go off mine. Maybe the better answer is for you to start this journey on your own and by that I mean your husband can join you if he wants, but ultimately you're not trying to support him as you are too busy doing this yourself. Sometimes you have to make a decision for yourself regardless of what your significant other does. Best of luck to you!
    -FogDog

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  8. I wrote a post about my husband and how influential he is. I found when I started slipping, it was because he wasn't as involved and being the voice of reason. I'm just like you in that way. You're right though, you'll have to be the heavy and that can be hard!

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  9. I think your goals are totally doable. Why not buy a roasted chicken from the store? You can have chicken and canned green beans one night, then chicken tacos the next night? Just some thoughts - we are here for you!!

    Hugs!

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  10. Sending warm wishes LTR! May you stay positive as you move forward in your journey!

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  11. Hi! You've discussed the topic that I think most people have the most problem with: eating with family members as food buddies. You describe it very well. As Monique explained and linked, I recently wrote about how I dealt with this issue on my blog. It is the hardest aspect of losing weight, but it is doable, starting with individualized determination as you describe. We must each do it for ourselves, and it is very doable. Each day of very healthy eating, like roast chicken and green beans, as Biz suggests, eventually adds up to weight loss. I hope you will believe in yourself and stick with it. :-)

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  12. Firstly Happy Anniversary.

    Secondly, we are all on your side but only you and your husband can make a healthier lifestyle happen.

    Will we still be here this time next year willing you on, or will we all be applauding you. I really hope we will all be applauding you.

    One step at a time but you must make that first step and then the day after and the day after that .....it is a lifestyle change, many have managed it, I hope you can to. One step at a time ....have we said that before? I think we have - this time really really make it happen.

    If you need more support, talk to people/fellow bloggers. Come and have a look at our new forum http://lowcarbdiabetic.forumotion.co.uk/

    We are on your side.

    All the best Jan

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  13. Agreeing to the replies written above. Sending you some good vibes and hope you can take a small step forward :)

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  14. Are there any dinners that are healthy, simple, and truly enjoyable to you two? I would start with that and then work up from there. It doesn't always have to be the fancy recipe. Sometimes just baked chicken breast with nuked veggies is all you need. When I was actively losing that is what dinner was most nights. Protein and a veggie. BOOM! Taco salads are a great way to have an easy yet flavorful meal. I work till 7pm then have to come home and cook. I also get about as much steps as you do unless I go to the store or something. I, and many others are here with ideas if you want to share the kinds of things you like. :)

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  15. Oh my gosh, so much wonderful advice and everything Kyra said resonated with me and everything I had intended to write. I also agree with fogdog that this is about you. You cannot do this for your husband and he cannot do this for you. Make good decisions whether he does or not. Support him if he chooses healthy and choose healthy even if he doesn't. I have been in this locked stagnant place for a very long time and was FINALLY able to come out of it recently. It's hard but it IS DOABLE. But don't do it for him. Do it for you. You deserve this. :D

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  16. First of all, congrats on 16 years! You have a wonderful plan in place, with attainable goals, LTR. Your decision to post instead of let it go, is a powerfully good choice. You're aware of where you are--and you're not giving up. Never give up, my friend!!

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  17. I just found your blog and look forward to reading more. Don't shy away from blogging when things aren't as you feel they should be. I love reading peoples blogs when they are honest about how things are going. This journey is like a rollercoaster ride so sharing the ups Along with the downs are important for "recovery". It sounds like you know what to do. You have three great goals for yourself so now getter done. You got this. You totally can do it.

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  18. Good for you for posting even when you're struggling! I really think it helps. Maybe it just lets you get your thoughts straight in your own head...to see your goals on the page might make them more real. These changes are HARD, but you can do it. Take the lead and show your husband how you can do it together! I'm pulling for you!

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  19. ahem.... 11 days now. Check in missy!

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  20. Just wondered how you were doing - hope all is well.

    All the best Jan

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  21. Me too!! Here's to us both having a great week! I finally realized that even though my leg hurts, I still could have been going to the gym and doing upper body stuff - duh!

    Hugs!

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  22. Hey sweet lady! I haven't been online much since I was dealing with cancer, but am back. I'm still rooting for you. I still care about you. ♥

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  23. Yep, stalking you again! email me and let me know your okay - mybizzykitchen@gmail.com.

    Hugs!

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