Sunday, September 7, 2014

16 Years

It really is difficult to find words for a post when I am so off-track.  What can I say that I haven't already said many times before.  I'm struggling.  Instead of waiting to post until I find my way back to healthier habits, I thought I would check in.  Who knows, maybe the act of checking in will be the trigger that turns things around for me.  A girl can hope.

This last Friday, my husband and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary.   Time sure flies, because it sure doesn't feel like that long to me.  I love him more than I did when I married him and believe we are in it for the long haul.  Unfortunately, this means another anniversary happens this week for me.  After returning from our honeymoon, I weighed over 300 lbs for the first time and have never seen the 200's since.  Today, I weighed in at 393 lbs.  I haven't allowed myself to pass the 400 lb gate, but I remain way too close.

The reason I am stuck is not a mystery to me.  I'm not cooking and I'm sitting the majority of my day.  The mystery is more about why I was able to cook for myself while my husband was on business trips, but will not cook for us when he is home.  We enable each other and neither of us have been able to find the strength to stop us.  One of us has to make the first move and start being the strong voice that stops us from eating out or having too much at meals or from buying or making high-sugar, high caloric desserts.  Honestly, I don't think he will ever be the one to do this.  The man just has a hard time saying 'no' to me.  While that isn't always a bad thing for me, as far as our health and eating habits are concerned, it can be.  If we are ever to change our ways and improve our health, it's up to me.  I know that if I would say no to take-out, didn't eat snacks and started cooking, that he would be all for that.  He wouldn't do those things without me.  Well, he would still eat some foods that I wouldn't want to, like more processed foods.   For the most part, we agree on how we should eat and what types of food.  Doing it is where we struggle.

There isn't a switch that I can flip and magically start behaving the way I would like and need to.  If there were, it would have been flipped long ago.  Instead, I need to keep trying with one smart decision and then another and then another.   I am keeping it simple and setting three goals for myself this week.  First, I want to drink at least 80 ounces of water each day.  I want more, but am drinking way less currently.  Secondly, in an effort to get myself out of the chair more, I will walk at least 21,000 steps this week.  What?  You can do that in two days?  I wish.  I average less than 2000 steps a day, most days getting 1500 or less.  3000 steps/day is a nice stretch goal for this week.  Lastly, and probably the most important goal is that I will cook at least  two dinners this week.  Since I usually cook zero dinners, this is a big task for me.  They may be easy-peasy simple concoctions, but I will do it for sure.  All three goals will be met.

Sheesh, I do feel a bit more motivated and inspired to get back on track since writing this post.  Now it's time for action.

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying what is left with our summer.  Thank you for stopping in and for all your support.