Monday, July 18, 2016

Same old story

Not much has changed since my last post in January.  I still have a lot of knee pain, haven’t lost weight and don’t have a plan in place.

It has been over six months since I last slept in my bed.  Instead, I do my best to sleep in the LA-Z-Boy recliner.  Right after last Christmas, my arthritis (under the knee cap) started acting up plus I did something and ended up with Tendonitis.  It hurts like heck to extend my leg or lift my knee.  The best thing I could do for my knee right now is lose weight.  I likely will need  a knee replacement in the future, but the doctor told me it wouldn’t happen unless I lost a significant amount of weight.  Since I am not seeing any improvement and have become even more sedentary, I will probably head back to the doctor to see if there is anything we can do in the mean time.  I might be out of my mind on this one, but I swear since sleeping in the recliner and not the bed the last six months, my hips have spread.  I don’t like it. This is just another addition to the list of many reasons I should lose weight.

Yesterday I weighed in at 388 pounds.  While I am down from my high at the beginning of the year, it is not significant or due to any real effort.  I don’t mean to say that I am not trying to lose weight.  I think it about it all day every day but fail to make the right choices consistently.  I constantly choose what will make me happy in the moment and disregard the effects on the long run.  That statement basically describes the problem in a nutshell.  Because of this, my weight fluctuates a lot but seems to hover in the high 380’s.  

My husband and I still eat out or carry in a lot.  Even when we do cook (or I should say he cooks), our portions are too big and include too many starches.  Then there is the sugar.  My gosh, I eat sweets like I don’t have diabetes.  Okay, that is all I am going to say about my bad eating habits right now.  I know what I am doing, why I am doing it and I don’t really need to keep bashing myself up about it here.

What I do need to do is make changes.  I haven’t got a formal plan yet and maybe won’t for some time.  Improvements can still happen without a formal plan.  This week my focus is mainly going to be around portion sizes and reducing the volume of food I eat this week.  I will also try to eat at least one fruit this week as well as more vegetables.  I like fruits and vegetables but I like starches, sweets and fried foods more.  Healthy eating habits will not happen overnight and I can’t force myself to give up all the bad habits at once.  I’ve tried that many times and it just doesn’t work for me. What I can do is make a start.  It may be a slow roll but I will eat better this week than I did last week, even if it is only one day.  I will also move more.  I have to.  I hurt everywhere and am becoming so stiff that I fear I could turn into the tin man and become stuck in one position.  Whether it is getting up at home or work more often and just walking around my environment or doing small tasks or chores, I will do it.  

Other than all that, I am fine.  I have a wonderful husband, fantastic sister and the most adorable recently turned seven year old nephew.  Home is good, work is good and now I need to focus on my health.

Thanks for stopping by,


Sunday, January 10, 2016

Here I am...again

Another new year and I find myself in the same condition, fat, sore and tired.  

I am fat, obese, morbidly obese and just under 400 pounds on a five foot three inch frame.  

I am sore from inflammation and osteoarthritis in my knees.  Mainly my left knee has been in excruciating pain for the last couple of weeks.  

I am tired of 
    • being fat
    • being in pain
    • not sleeping because of the pain
    • being in the same condition year after year 
Yet, I am stuck.  

While I may be depressing, I am not depressed.

My ability to lose weight sometimes feels hopeless but I am still hopeful. Why I don’t know, but I am.

Hoping and wishing will get me no where.  Change is needed.  Action is needed.

A plan is needed.  Darn, I don’t have one of those…yet.  In the absence of a plan, I will focus on making changes from what I normally do.  The obvious…I will eat less.  I want to make healthier food choices too.  This is where and what I will start with.  For now, that is enough.  I will work on that.

Happy New Year.  I hope 2016 brings great things for you all.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Short check in and a weigh-in after a holiday

My chosen weigh-in day is Sunday for two reasons: 1) it's the start of a new week and 2) to dissuade me from having a food fest blowout all weekend.  Because the 4th of July is on a Saturday this year, I thought about weighing in Saturday morning rather than Sunday.  It wasn't because I wanted to eat tons and tons, but I knew that we would be having baked potato salad and burgers.  I was worried the food and increased sodium would cause me a gain.  I'm not going to lie, it took me a while to make the decision.  I really wanted to have a nice time on the 4th without worrying about food.  In the end, I decided not to step on the scale Saturday.  I felt like I would be cheating myself if I weighed in early so I didn't.  Still, I thought about weighing  to see what the number was so I would know just how careful I should be, but I didn't do that either.  Instead, I went on with my day, enjoyed myself , tried to be careful, but still exceeded my daily calorie limit by over 500 calories (brownies are my weakness).  It wasn't a blowout and the scale reported a three pound loss for the week.  I was surprised to have a nice loss for two weeks in a row, but I won't be complaining anytime soon either.  This morning I weighed 380 and am now looking forward to being in the 370's soon.

This has been a relaxing three day weekend and I enjoyed myself immensely.  I'm feeling tired and will close for now.  How was your weekend?  Did you overeat or stay the course?

Thanks for stopping by,

Monday, June 29, 2015

It moved!

After seeing the same weight on the scale for four Sundays in a row, it was nice to see a different number finally.   Yesterday,  the scale finally moved and in the right direction at that.  I lost four pounds.  It's good to know that I am like a turtle rather than a rock.

The number of maximum calories I should consume daily for weight loss remains a mystery.  My metabolism is slow due to many reasons (thyroid, diabetes, sedentary lifestyle, etc.).  For the last couple of months I have been aiming for a max 1800 calories per day.  I may try to lower that this week.  Still being close to 400 lbs, I can't imagine eating as few as 1200-1400 calories.  Who knows, maybe it will come to that.  I know from experience  that more calories is not the answer for me.

If I were creating a balance sheet of my actions lately, here are some of the positives and negatives it would contain.

  • I have been tracking via MyFitnessPal every bite for the last 38 days
  • I have been eating far less take-out food
  • I have been increasing my average steps/day

  • I have not been meal planning as often as I would like
  • I am still having sugary snacks in the evening
  • My intake of vegetables has decreased the last two weeks

With the increase in movement, eating more at home and less food consumed overall I am starting to feel as if I have more energy and some aches and pains are decreasing.  Don't get me wrong, at 383 pounds I am still pretty much a sore slug, but I'm doing better.  Yesterday, I went to the movie theater.  It had been about two years or more since the last time I went.  With the extra energy, I felt I could do the steps and wanted to work on my fear of being in public.  I'm a work in progress and look forward to feeling even better and doing more stuff as I continue to move and lose.

In case you don't live in the Pacific Northwest or track the weather, we are having some pretty darn nice days for June.  Normally, summer doesn't start in Seattle until July 5th.  This year, June has been unusually dry and warm compared to the last 19 years I've lived here.  While my husband, sister and brother-in-law might complain it is too warm for them, all I can say is "Sweeeeeet"!   Three to five years ago, my body changed somehow (thyroid??) and I seem to always be cold.  At close to four hundred pounds, you might think I sweat all the time.  I used to.  My husband, sister and brother-in-law do.  I don't .  For my husband's comfort, we have the air conditioner set at 69 degrees.  This means you will find him in shorts while I am in sweats , two shirts and under a heavy blanket and still shivering.  With the temps and dry weather, I can now step outside for a few minutes to warm up every now and then.  I'm sure it won't last forever, but I am enjoying!!

Tonight, my husband is trying a new recipe for grilled fajitas.  I'm looking forward to trying them and sitting outside while he grills.  That's all I have for now.  I think I will head outside to enjoy the weather and start doing some meal planning for the week.  I especially need to start thinking about the three day weekend and make plans so that we don't overeat.  What are your plans?  Quiet time at home, camping or a barbecue with family or friends? 

Thanks for stopping by,

Monday, June 8, 2015

No gain or loss

Stepping on the scale yesterday, I wasn't sure what I would see.  I knew with family arriving in town on Thursday, that the weekend would have it's share of eating challenges.  As I mentioned in my last post, I was allowing myself to go over my calories but planned to eat in moderation rather than a free-for-all.  I think I ate about as I expected.  I was proud that I turned down two dining out situations.  I had plenty of other opportunities to visit and spend good quality time with my family.  The result is that I neither gained or lost any weight last week.  Well, I lost a couple of ounces.  This go around, I am rounding up to the nearest pound, so a big zero.  I am fine with that and happy it wasn't a gain.  Not that I think I ate enough to warrant a gain, I didn't. 

Some things I wish I would have done better last week include:
  • Stick to the plan
  • Drink more water
  • Eat more vegetables

Each night I plan out the next day's meals, but last week I found myself not always sticking to the plan.  I would make substitutions and as a result I was eating less vegetables.  This week I plan to  make a plan and stick to it.  Also, I wasn't drinking enough water especially for all the sodium I was consuming and the time spent outdoors in the heat. 

Speaking of the heat, I don't normally spend that much time outside and I have a fair complexion.  Oh, I bet you already know where I am going with this.  Yes, I got sunburned.  Since I was mostly covered up, only the lower three inches of my arms, face and head were burnt.  This happened at my nephew's party last year too.  Let me tell  you what, I have learned my lesson.  My scalp hurts too darn much to let this happen a third year in a row.  From now on, I will wear a hat, use an umbrella or take some other precaution. 

Last week was a busy week and not our normal.  From all the work cleaning and preparing the house, hosting a couple of game nights, the barbecue and other family get-togethers kept me on my feet more than usual.  It was nice to rest some today.  I enjoyed having the family in town and spending time with all of them, but getting back on schedule and focusing my energy on getting healthy will be nice too.

Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, June 1, 2015

Last week was a good week

The ending of my post from last Monday included these statements:
  • Each night this week, I will plan the next days meals. 
  • I will track every bite via MFP. 
  • I will start some exercise, no matter how little it may be. 
  • This will be a good week.

I am happy and proud to report that all of these goals were accomplished.  Planning and tracking takes time.  Since I am not in the habit of planning meals, it probably took more time than needed.  I'm hoping that after I continue this for a few weeks and have more ideas of what I want to eat, the planning part will take less time.  Last week I only ate two meals not prepared at home and both were from McDonald's.  This is a huge improvement over my normal previous eating habits.  The amount of exercise last week was minimal, but compared to previous weeks and months where I had no intentional exercise, I consider this goal met as well. 

The result of planning and tracking my meals, eating at home and exercising was reflected by my weigh-in yesterday.  I lost four pounds last week!  My weight is now at 387 pounds.  The more distance I can add from the 400 pound mark, the better.  It feels good to finally be moving in the right direction.  I will confess that I am worried about whether I can keep it up.  This is something I will be talking about with my diet coach.  I've already filled him in on some of my history so that he can be aware of my habits and behaviors.

This week will be challenging.  Well, mostly Friday and the weekend will present the challenging part.  My nephew is turning six on Monday and family will be coming to town to celebrate.  My mother and favorite aunt arrive Thursday night and my father and step-mom will  arrive Friday.  There will be a barbecue and cake on Saturday, at least one or two meals out, and game night snacks.  Eating out will be the most difficult part for me to control.  My goal for the weekend will be moderation.  I am not going to stress out over food.  If I am over my calories one or two days, I will live with it.  I still plan to be cautious so I don't plan on any crazy over indulging.  I will enjoy my time with family and concentrate less on the food.  The days leading up to the weekend, I will stay on track and do all of the things that helped me last week (planning, tracking, exercise).

Thanks for stopping by,

Monday, May 25, 2015

Last week's good and bad

Sunday's are my weigh-in days and yesterday I stepped on to see a one pound loss for the week.  Not great, but not bad either.  This brings my total for the year to nine pounds gone.  Going forward I plan to kick it into gear.  With my metabolism working so slowly, I know that I am in for some frustrating weigh-ins ahead.  Even still, I will keep fighting.  Hmm, I think I am counting my chickens before they hatch.  I don't need to worry about future weigh-ins, I need to concentrate on what I am doing today.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

Last week didn't go as well as I had planned.  At the same time, it wasn't all bad.  Here is how I would break it down:

The Bad:
  • Most days I did not have a plan
  • I ate Mexican food two nights, high-at and large portions
  • I consumed too much chocolate from "Candy's" desk at work
  • I did not exercise

The Good:
  • I did plan my entire snacks/meals for two days
  • I tracked every bite for two days in [username=losingtherolls]
  • I did not eat out this weekend
  • I found a diet coach/mentor

Did you catch that last bullet about a diet coach/mentor?  I am reading a book that deals with changing the  ways I think about eating and the choices I make.  It's a six week program dealing with cognitive therapy and has daily tasks.  One of my tasks was to find a diet mentor to support me along this journey.  I knew right away that it could not be my husband or sister.  Yes, they support me, but they are too similar to me.  I'm not sure they could give me the tough love I might need or talk me down from a cupcake (mostly because they would likely be about to consume one too).  Instead, I opted to reach out to my dad.  He lives about 340 miles away and over the years we've grown apart a little.  I only mean to say that we are not as close as we were when I was under his roof, and I miss that.  I chose him because 1) he and his wife have lost weight and maintained it for over a year, 2) he can provide tough-love  and incentive just because I won't want to disappoint him and 3) it will bring us closer together.  He is already proving to be very supportive.  I think having him for support is going to help in many ways.

In my last post, I mentioned being optimistic.  Well, I am even more so about this week.  Each night this week, I will plan the next days meals.  I will track every bite via MFP.  Also, I will start some exercise, no matter how little it may be.  Notice that I said I will do these things and not I will try.  This will be a good week.

Thanks for stopping by,