Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Is this going to be a bumpy ride?

After my pleasant weigh-in Sunday morning, I must have swallowed a stupid pill.  I repeated a stupid mistake that I thought I had learned my lesson to many times over.  After a weigh-in, I ate.  I ate a lot.  To make things worse, it was all foods that I am trying to reduce or stay away from.  The list includes hash-browns and toast to go with the spinach/bacon/Swiss cheese omelet, doughnuts (as in plural), battered and fried fish, fries and clam chowder.  Oh and let me not forget to mention the Nestle Toll House pan cookie.   This way of eating is how I became to be 391 pounds in the first place.  I don’t have a good reason why I did it.  There isn’t one.  I’m sure the stupid reasoning that told me that I had all week to make up for it, came in to play.  I know this was wrong, but I still did it.  That’s not all.  Even after weighing myself this morning and seeing a sizeable gain since Sunday, I still went out for dinner tonight. 

Today is Tuesday and I haven’t mentioned my eating on Monday.  Monday was mostly a good day.  When you’re trying to lose weight, “mostly” doesn’t cut it.  Breakfast and lunch were on plan.  Dinner was okay, except for a large bowl of baked beans. 

Back to today.  Feeling sick with myself after seeing the gain, breakfast was two eggs scrambled and a cup of watermelon.  Lunch, from the cafeteria at work, was a hamburger patty (no bun) with some melon and pineapple.  I wasn’t even hungry today.  The commute did us in.  Too much time to think about dinner and we decided, despite knowing it was the wrong thing to do, to stop for Mexican food.  Will I ever change my ways?  Or am I destined to lose some, gain some, and repeat?  
I won’t dwell on this or continue to beat myself up, but I do need to learn from it.  This behavior has been around for decades.  After Weight Watcher meetings, the ride home would always include food from the drive-thru.  I need to stop doing this or I will never get anywhere.  So, I need to plan early, what foods I will be eating this coming Sunday and then ask my husband to help me stick to the plan.  I can do this.  Before that happens though, I need to make it through this week without any more slip-ups.  I HAVE TO!!

If you are shaking your head after reading this, I’m sorry to disappoint you.  It probably won’t be the last time, but please know, I am taking this seriously and truly want to change.  I will finish this week strong.   My days are pretty much the same and not much exciting happens, but I will try to post daily the rest of this week and at least report out my food consumption.  I want to be accountable to myself and this blog.  I am determined that I won’t eat out the rest of this week.  I didn’t want to share my wrong-doings, but if I just hide away I might be tempted to eat more before returning.  None of that garbage, I’ve admitted it and moving on. 

I hope you’re doing better than I have been.  Talk with you tomorrow.


  1. It's hard to break those bad habits. Don't beat yourself up about it. It seems that you're cognizant of the fact that you need to maybe you can do one change a week and try to make it permanent?

    I tried to make sure there was a fruit or veggie in every meal I had. I found that if I did this, I was less likely to pair that with pizza, for example.

    I love your blog. You can do it!

  2. Hey, I've had a rough few days myself. But you know, you didn't get to the weight you are in a few days, you won't get to the weight you fear even more in a few days, and you won't lose everything in a few days. This is moment by moment. Learn from the ones where you went off your path, why you went there, what could you do differently, then "bless & release" (I'm not religious, but I like the sentiment. The whole "OK, this happened. This is all I can do with what happened. It's time to set it free and move forward.")

    Sometimes, when I'm running it's really hard. I'm not a natural runner, I have to fight for every step. But when it gets bad like that I say to myself "I don't have to think about the whole run, just the minute I'm in. Run the minute I'm in." You don't have to think about all the days ahead of you that you need to get right. You only have to get RIGHT NOW right. That's it. What came before was before. If you rocked it, you need to say "I was a success! That was a success!" but then you need to look right where you are now.

    Live the day, the hour, the MEAL you are in right now. It's not everything you have to get right all at once, just live the minute you are in and make the choice in the moment before you. You'll get to later, right when you are supposed to.

    You got this. :) And putting those right choices together, in a big stack, that's the only thing that yields results. Collect the right choices, one at a time.

  3. I KNOW you can do this. Blogging is so important, and I thank you for your honesty.

    Sometimes one has to hit rock bottom. What will be your rock bottom, I don't know. It's possible to do it otherwise, but you really have to decide why you keep disappointing YOURSELF. Don't worry about us. It's about YOU. Why are you sabotaging yourself? Is it safer to stay where you are comfortable, instead of stepping outside your comfort zone? What will happen if you get hungry or say no to yourself? You have to care about yourself enough to say no to yourself. It really is just that simple. We have to learn to stop knee-jerk reacting to the little stresses OR temptations of life. Because they will never ever go away.

    Here are two of my most favorite quotes, relating to dieting and good health (well, to me they relate):

    "Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself." ~ Abraham Heschel

    "Discipline is remembering what you want." ~ David Campbell

  4. Yes, you can do this! I agree with Lauren that beating yourself up is just harder. You do know what you have to do, but I understand addiction very well - changing it doesn't happen overnight. Planning is a big part of the picture and you know that. :)

  5. @Lauren - Thank you! I've heard it before and I think I will try making sure I have vegetables at every meal and at least one fruit a day.

    @Krya - One good choice - I just finished packing my lunch for tomorrow and planning our dinner. Now the goal is to stick to the plan tomorrow.

    @Gwen - great quotes, thanks for sharing.

    @Linda - Thank you! Yes, planning will be very important for me. Sticking to the plan, more important, but if I don't have a plan to start with.....

  6. I wish I had THE answer for you- but it's so hard and so different fior everyone. I urge you to keep blogging, sharing and staying accountable and aware of your behaviors. It does help.

  7. My heart really went out to you today. I know exactly how you are feeling, and I know in the near future I'm going to have a day just like yours, it's the nature of the beast. This doesn't own you. You are stronger than this. It's a war we have to fight every single day, probably for years and years to come. But you WILL win. Keep fighting, keep trying, keep getting back on the horse. YOU CAN DO THIS!

  8. Everyone above is so right and with the correct answers. Just remember you are the one in control. Just one step at a time. Right now just try for one day for success. The next day take a moment to reflect on the previous day. Maybe just journaling for a few days will help you stay on track. Also these junk food you ate, are they in the house? Get rid of them, it will help tremendously with temptation.

  9. We are not here to judge you - we're all in this together. Instead of beating yourself up over what you ate be glad that you now realize that you shouldn't be eating this way and that was want to change. Baby steps. I've had to look at myself many, many times to find out why I self-sabotage. You are making progress, whether it seems like it to you or not. Keep pushing forward! :)

  10. Hang in there, and be kind to yourself!!!

  11. Oh, I recognize that post-weigh-in "treat" trap well! It can be a tough cycle to break out of. For me, separating weigh-ins from any splurges worked nicely. I had already committed to having a once-a-month splurge meal, so whatever I chose for a meal after weigh-in was still on plan. I was surprised how quickly I made that transition, to be honest, but I think I was helped by the fact that I weighed in right before a significant workout, and I was still carrying that endorphin high after. I didn't want to "waste" all that hard work! LOL

    You will figure this out!

  12. @Jeanette - your advice is always appreciated, thank you.

    @Lydia - one thing I can count on for sure is that I will never quit trying.

    @Anna Marie - thank you and I am trying to take time and reflect on the decisions I am making. Most of the food consumed on Sunday and then the stop Tuesday night was all out of the house (take-out, dining).

    @Sunnydaze - It helps having the support team and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your comments. Thank you.

    @Roz - I'm trying :)

    @Cammy - It is definitely not fun to keep having to re-lose weight after a gain. I want to make forward progress.